Going through my blog always leaves me with mixed feelings. On one hand, I go on a self-admiration spree and commend some of the lines I wrote years back that still strike a chord in my heart, and on the other hand, I detest my impulsiveness while posting content because in a way, I let the world see my inner-most fears and most vulnerable state by posting everything I write in my personal diary. Continuing with this no-censoring policy, today’s post is in honor of the sixteen-year-old me who began this blog sitting on her staircase one evening, pouring her heart out about her crush! Do you see the difference!? He was the LOVE OF MY LIFE back then and he’s a mere crush now, I have grown! This was something that Mr. Unattainable (the crush) had predicted when I had first confessed to him but it makes sense to me only now, after eight years.
I have always been into older men, so much so that
one of my former love interests is a father of two now (and this while I’m
still completing my education). The point isn’t what I have been talking about
thus far, the point is, in life, our deepest and earnest wishes always come
true. By nature, I am someone who loves the attention of my loved ones and
growing up, there was a scarcity of that. My parents were always so occupied
with my older siblings that I had to be on my own for most of my years between
five to ten. By then, I had mastered the art of not depending on anyone for my
well-being. So, as a kid, I used to sit on our terrace and pray that some
miraculous character is sent to me, who would love me and never belittle the
love I share. Through my adolescent years, when I was making my share of stupid
decisions, all of those stupid decisions revolved around finding real friends
and love. But today, when I write to the sixteen-year-old unhappy kid who
started this blog, I feel content. She yearned for love and today I feel like I
have it.
There are setbacks, there are differences, there are
always traitors in the name of friends but there are moments when the goodness
in every human shines at its best and it is this goodness in the people I meet
and call my family and friends that I choose to focus on. I have learned it the
hard way that people aren’t defined by one act of unkindness; they are defined
by the countless acts of kindness that we conveniently choose to overlook. Its
been six years since that evening when I began this blog, and today I say
goodbye to a friend, a soulmate, a partner, and my biggest supporter…not
forever, but for long enough to make my heart ache. This person may not return
to our hometown again but I’ll surely be in touch and if all goes well, in
another ten years I might be posting different things here related to the same
person! So here it is:
Dearest Dreamer Hello from the past, if you are
reading this, know that you have done well. You have been a good girl and done
what you felt was right then. You have made mistakes, you have hurt people, you
have refused to apologize but you have also grown. You still are growing.
Mistakes or not, you are the same five-year-old kid who sat on her terrace
writing in her diary with whatever little knowledge of English she had. Today,
you are studying to be an English teacher, isn't this what you wanted back then
as well!? Life will not be easy but with good intentions, it won’t be hard for
you to make life easy. Keep dreaming. People may have had an impact on your
dreams before, but right now you are free. Dream. Let your dreams lead you to
your happy place.
Yours,
Dreamer Hello from 2021.
