Kush & Kaira

 1. The daily routine

There is something about stalking someone you never moved on from. You pick up right where you left the last time. The same emotions come back to you everytime you think of them or find yourself in that zone where you romanticise your life with them, you contemplate how they sound in person, what their thoughts look like, how they would be as friends, lovers, humans, individuals. The sheer granditude of possibilities of them being this and that amuses the soul so much that falling in love yet again is inevitable. You would think that your rebound or therapy sessions healed you, but they merely helped conceal the obsession, and in a manner that is believable enough to engage your next partner in the formidable task of falling head over heels for you, just like you had fallen for the other whom you now secretly stalk. And if you think about it, there will be someone your current partner rejected to be with you. You see, in this dystopian world of unrequited love, every successful love story ends up breaking the hearts of at least two (or more) people. I tend to digress when thinking of Kush, he is that charismatic and exotic character, after all, who I never got to call mine, yet he is the closest I ever got to being someone's. He makes me believe in the kind of love Radha felt for Krishna - never visible socially yet always palpable spiritually.

Source: Boombinomie on Pixabay

I met him when he was probably in his third year of med school and I was just another confused high school girl. I'm Kaira, thirteen going on fourteen. I identify as a delusional dreamer and Kush's entry in my fantasy world changed a lot of things for me for a lot many years. Kush isn't the extraordinary guy my words will make you believe he is. He is as cliched as the next guy but that's the thing about love: its makes the mundane magical. Kush and I accidentally met when my teacher asked me to interview him and write about him for our school journal. Turns out, Kush is one of the first students from our school to become a doctor. A senior to me by at least 5-6 years, Kush was around in town when I was still a kid. The feelings I feel for him now are new; he makes me embrace my womanhood without even being present in the picture. 

Kush lives in Guwahati now. He is a third-year MBBS student at GMCH. His house is a 10-minute bike ride from my home, and I have never stopped loving him. I can't quite tell you how I developed these feelings, considering how he never flirted with me or tried to suggest any romantic alliance. It was all me and my beautiful, dreamy head. I fell for his eyes, the way his voice sounded, his choice of words, his seemingly casual yet deeply calculated life decisions, his intellect, and his magical brain that helped him crack NEET in the very first attempt. He isn't a typical nerd; he is a nerd who disguises himself under the image of the coolest and most popular boy in school. I am told that Kush was our head boy and also the sports captain. I am told that Kush is an excellent swimmer and guitarist, too. Kush has an elder sister settled in Australia, and Kush's dad is a government officer. Kush has always been a prodigy...take a look at his Facebook page, and all that I've mentioned here will come to life. I don't remember the number of times I browsed from the most recent to the oldest post on his feed. It usually takes me about 90 mins to complete this task, and I do that at least once every day.