Acceptance

I have never been a fan of the movies but the lockdown is here to make us try all things we previously just passed by. So "Netflix n Chill" is all that I am doing from the past couple of days after having tried cooking, cleaning, reading, drawing, freelancing and ultimately getting tired of it all. And I realized that the right movie at the right time can open windows in your mind that you wouldn't otherwise visit. 

The other day, I stumbled across this movie called "He's just not that into you" starring Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck and Drew Barrymore that took me on an introspective spree. The movie is great by the way, but here is my version of life without the "He" who is apparently not "that into you".

I was fourteen when I had my first boyfriend. Its been over six years now and I don't clearly remember what it meant to me then but as a 21 year old reflecting upon that chapter of life, it feels dreamy and straight out of a fairy tale. I would like to call that relationship an-infatuation-stretched-too-long-by-two-innocent-teens. But overtime, I encountered and developed crazy likings for a couple of more boys, who were mostly elder to me and hence are married or bethroted by now. It was in my eighteenth year of life that someone serious showed up. How do I know its serious?!  Beacuse the one who is serious means to stay, and he/she does stay. I have been with this guy for four years now and believe me, I have tried letting go innumerable times. But some people know the implication of the promises they make and choose to stick by those promises no matter how difficult it gets along the way. 

But this post isn't  about my relationship with the seemingly perfect guy. This post is about the ones who aren't into you. They say that man learns best from what he experiences and observes. I tend to minutely observe the patterns of people's life, compare them to mine and see the difference in perspective or approach brought in by the situation they're in. So, a 28-year-old someone I know has never really matured in some areas of life whereas a 21-year-old me feels that I have matured in the same areas. While age has barely got to do anything with maturity, life stories are what define maturity according to me. This "area" of maturity I am talking about is romantic relationships. 

What makes a professionally blossoming person fail to find emotional stability at an age when he/she should really be thinking of settling down with THE ONE? And what makes a college kid so sure that this lack of emotional balance isn't something he/she has to deal with cause he/she is already in control of his/her emotions? The answer to both these questions is: the people you encounter in your life and the impression they leave on your soul. You might meet the love of your life at eighteen and remain with that person for the rest of your life, leaving you a completely normal, stable and "emotionally mature" person. But what if you aren't lucky enough to have that one person you so earnestly desire?  What if their memories make it difficult for you to move on with someone else?  And what if a heartbreak was so major that it left you vulnerable for other people to come exploit you and leave when they are done!? These questions aren't figments of my imagination but the real life struggles of thousands of millennials who yearn for the touch of love they lost quite early in life. Messed up adulthoods are often a result of ugly scars from childhood or adolescence. 

This movie I was talking about shows that vulnerable side of a girl who wants to be loved, and puts herself out there for guys to come date her. She hopes to find "THE ONE" in every guy she meets and eventually ends up hurting herself. The movie is also about couples once happily married now gone astray cause of adultery induced by the growing distance between themselves. I won't preach about relationships. My problem is the fear of being alone. Yours will obviously be different. We are where we are cause of our decisions and our preferences.

But if a guy is not that into you and that has tormented you then its probably not your fault. It may not necessarily be the guy's fault either. All that liberation from emotional baggage demands is ACCEPTANCE. I know its easier said than done but believe me you,  its because I am constantly failing to develop this acceptance that my relationship suffers these days. But I am not complaining. If this is what it takes to teach me my lesson then be it. If I become the 28-year-old professionally stable girl still not over her lover from seven years ago, then it won't necessarily be the guy's fault. Perhaps he had tried. Perhaps things didn't work out cause they weren't meant to. Perhaps the lack of acceptance was too big a bridge between us that ultimately landed us on two opposing ends of the shore. But that's okay.

Its 2020 and I am hopeful that life doesn't turn out to be that gloomy for me in 2027 but if it does, then I'll know what I need to do. And you know it too!  Its just one word called ACCEPTANCE.