This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda
Sometimes you just know that the end is near. Something you held on to for may be decades is about to slip away from your hold and you can't do anything about it because its probably for the best. There are things in life we hold on to believing that they are our guiding light, we overlook the imperfections in our life that owe their existence to these very things we believe are our 'saviours'. Perhaps none would agree with me at this point but I bet that each soul has some self created barrier that stops them from experiencing true happiness and bliss. Here's mine, I hope that you find and get rid of yours!
A couple of years ago, when I was a bit younger and more insensible, immature and impulsive than I am now, I met a person. And that person was one charming, smart, captivating moron. He knew just the right way to get up on a stage and get his ideas liked by people; he was excellent with his words and gestures. Being a public speaker myself, I got impressed by him in an instant and hence without thinking much, I let his thoughts overpower my mental peace or my life goals for that matter. Without even trying to know the kind of person that he is or the kind of girls he likes to date, I dived into the deep, vast ocean of unrequitted love.
I began stalking him on social media and analysed every bit of information that the internet provides about people belonging to his zodiac sign. And summoning all my courage, I did initiate a seemingly interesting conversation with him one day. Every chat with him inspired me to be better than who I was, every word he spoke instilled in me the fire to be extraordinary. His words became my success mantra and indeed they helped me to reach my targets. My belief that he was my inspiration grew stronger with each of our conversations. While his words gave me the impetus to work harder, his refusal to ackowledge my 'love' for him made my soul unhappier and nights darker. I cried more than I smiled. No amount of success or blessings from the heavens could make me feel grateful about my beautiful life that's a gift to me only for this tiny imperfection. The pain of having my 'love' unrequitted did hardly let me sleep at night without wetting my pillow.
And then came a day, when I saw something he created, on the internet. It was his story of unrequitted love that he had boldly put up on the internet for the world to see in a very beautiful and creative way. While I always saw my pain, I failed to see his. I considered myself the bravest for enduring all the loneliness and dejection that I believed was thrown by life at me alone. But when we look around, there are people with problems ten times harder than ours, pain hundred times severe than ours and imperfections thousand times graver than ours and yet we believe that our struggle is the hardest and we are the bravest.
That day before sunrise, I cried for the longest duration. I barely caught a minute's sleep that night. It was perhaps my longest night. But even amidst the flood of tears, I knew that this time the reason behind these waterdrops from my eyes is not unrequitted love's pain but that of letting go of what mattered. These were tears of freedom from a long, painful and dark past. I had been holding on to something that was never meant to be mine and all this because I 'believed' that we had a story. Well, we sure do have a story; everyone does. But our stories are not the same. Though a little too late but I did realise this. But somehow, letting go of my presumed inspiration wasn't easy. It's almost as if mourning his absence was my comfort zone. But that day before sunrise, when I cried for the longest duration and barely caught a minute's sleep, I did free myself from the shackles of a self created prison.