Crazy musings on life

Some good music always does the magic of triggering all those countless emotions that have never been offered the outlet to see the light of the day. A good piece of music can make a silent admirer express his/her love, it has the potential to motivate some really good poetry. Its a powerful weapon, one that is making me write this.

I feel so good today. Everything seems to work subliminally for me now. People are near yet so far and they are far yet so near. A heart to heart connection seems to have developed between them and me. And on days like this, when I've got no one around to talk to or a good movie in store, my muse takes control over things. And today, post a pleasant Sunday being spent doing absolutely nothing productive, when I have nothing but my playlist to my company, strange thoughts are ruling my head. Images of a recent past and a near future are portraying life as a bunch of sweet scented flowers gifted to me by the omnipotent.

 A virtual world ain't that bad you see! At least you can reach out to someone and express your side of the story. Its a great relief to let out the things going on in the head and heart. The thoughts it leaves the listener with is a secondary matter, because once you are at peace, you can make everything else work just the way you want. And in case your wild musings do not appeal to the supposedly 'true' friend, you get to know who accepts you and who does not, who points out your wrongs and leaves and who takes the pain of guiding you.

So coming back to my story: The past couple of years have been full of changes for me. I'm not that old( old here implies an experienced person) a person to have plenty of knowledge on life or its odds, but just a teenager trying to earn that 'knowledge'. So, I had expected life to remain just the way it was when I was at primary school. I expected myself to be the topper of everything and favorite of all but then, life is not about what you expect, its about what you procure. So the 'changes' in my life have made me somewhat philosophical and that's what makes me think about one very important thing today, something I had never observed before.

When I dealt with the first 'change' of my life, I loathed it. The change didn't seem least bit pleasant. But over the little time I had to live with the change, I grew to love it. And when it was finally time to leave, I grew all gloomy and depressed. This reaction was more severe than the last time. Again the same kinda situation arose when I was made to deal with the third consecutive change. So basically, what I want to say is: people and things in life exist for a reason, their staying and leaving too has a hidden meaning that we fail to see at the moment but later when the future unfolds itself, everything seems to have been planned with just one purpose: to make us better than who we already are!

No mistakes; only lessons

I'm getting to see the darker side of life and though it's difficult to bear the evil right before your eyes, it ironically proves to be a great teacher. It is rightly said by Robin Sharma that there are no mistakes in life; only lessons. I fully agree and accept this true and raw fact about life. And honestly, I've got no regrets. I don't hate myself for any of the wrong decisions I took in the course of my life; instead I thank the naive and innocent little girl in me for showing up every now and then and making me learn what's right and what's not; what ought to be done and what not!

One major mistake (or rather I should call it a "bitter lesson of life") committed by people of my age (teens) and at times by adults is that we begin hating the person we are supposed to love the most! And that person is no one else but the figure you see when you look into the mirror: its you. Yes! We hate ourselves!For reasons, I never will accept as justified (unless of course you go and kill a person), we tend to dislike ourselves. And the moment we start developing this dangerous and fatal worm of hate for the self in our hearts, we lose the zest for life. Everything in life seems vague to us. Our eyes fail to see the beauty life has to offer and focus only one the "have nots".

The point I want to make here is that: life goes on and on till the second air stops moving in and out of our lungs. From cradle to grave, this journey will contain many, many ups and downs, sometimes more downs than ups but bravery is when we don't let these ephemeral downs lower our morale and love for life. This according to me is a simple little thing which surprisingly stroke me only after seventeen years of having seen the planet, its people, and the many "ups" and "downs" of life. And I know there are people who'll die without knowing this simple little thing. And therefore I felt the need to blog this little secret of life when I know I'm running short of time to complete all those home works and assignments that I've been piling up for weeks now! 

The little dark imperfection.

There are so many things I want to convey to that one person I so heartily adore. I do not know what relation we share, nor do I want to ponder upon it; the only thing I wish to see is the positive vibrant induced in my life by you.  Words cease to flow from my pen when I attempt to use them in your praise, I guess they're smarter than I am and understand the thing I haven't been able to understand in the past two years: the best parts of life are the ones one fail to describe....the ones which don't let the incessant smile abandon the face that glows and blushes only upon the mention of those reminiscent days.

So to you I write this letter mate.

Wherever you are, whatever you are indulged in, whether or not you remember me are matters too trivial for me. I may not mean the world to you, I may not have influenced your life, I may not have been able to make a place in your heart but one thing I've surely done which even you have not succeeded in doing: I've grown to love you. Your little imperfections, your irritating mischieves, your devilish smile,  your hungry eyes and your playful hands are bits of you that make you a perfect figure in my city of dreams where you and no one else plays the role of the 'hero' perennially. The audience in my city of dreams that includes me and only me gets tired not even for a second upon the thoughts of you that linger in the mind and heart for 24 hours a day and 365 days a year.

The little things I imagine about us every single day of my life are never to turn real. Though blind in love; I possess the audacity to have an eye contact with the bitter truth of life which has been and will forever keep on telling me that you are the Mr. Unattainable in my 'life' that has been never less than perfect. I hate to put it this way but if the truth has to be told then I would like to tell it right away, right now :  No matter how perfect you are, you'll always be the little dark imperfect part of my otherwise perfect life.

This however doesn't stop my stupid heart from beating for you. Every contraction and expansion of my little pumping organ does its routine core of pumping with the mention of your name.My heart owes its revival to you and your wonderful entry in life at a time when I was distressed and out of life. So, Mr.Unattainable lets not stretch it further and conclude with the words I've been telling ever since our first(and last) encounter: I Love You.